Who is it? Herbert: Who do you think it is? Who's the only goddamn woman in the galaxy? Chris: Leia You know Chris, all my life, I've wanted to see you locked in a basement. But now that it's happened, all I want to do is get you out!
Meg: No offense, Mr. Herbert, but I'm a seventeen year old girl, and I have no need for you. Herbert: Alright children, your mammy and pappy asked me to look after ya for the next couple days.
So I wanna lay down a few ground rules: no cussing, clean your plates, and only a half-hour of radio and then its off to bed. Chris: Well that sucks. Herbert: And don't you mouth off to me or I'm gonna slap you right in your penis. Herbert: Well OshKosh B'gosh, it's a brand new paperboy. That's a mighty full sack you're carrying. Stewie: Piss off you perverted old freak.
Herbert: Oh, we got a fighter. Herbert Obi-Wan : My sexy friend and I are looking for a ship. Peter Han : Well, you're in luck! I'm Han Solo, captain of the Millenium Falcon, and the only actor whose career isn't destroyed by this movie. Herbert Obi-Wan : Mos Eisley spaceport, you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy. Quagmire C-3PO : Is she single? Cleveland R2-D2 : She's a lez-bot. Peter Han : Strap yourselves in.
We're going to hyperspace. Herbert Obi-Wan : Did he say "strap-in" or "strap-on"? Stewie: Alright Brian, I'm gonna go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall. Grab your walkie, I'll call you when I get up there. Brian: Okay. Stewie walks away, is heard over the walkie-talkie Stewie: Brian, pick up. Herbert tried to get Chris into bed with him, but failed.
Herbert tried to persuade Chris into his house for some food, but Chris turned him down. The Griffin Family went to live in Dixie for about a week, and by the time they came back, their answering machine was chock full of messages, all from Herbert, pestering them, about when the paperboy was coming back. In " The Sandloss ", Chris overthrew his dad's baseball into Herbert the Pervert's backyard, while playing catch with friends. Herbert got the ball and suggestively called the boys to "come and get it", a call of which they all resisted.
Chris and his friends were afraid to get it back out, with the fear of running into his dog, Jesse. When Herbert caught Chris, Chris admitted that he didn't want Herbert to watch his baseball game because he was so creepy. Hebert said that he'd give Chris his ball back and not attend his game under one condition: He had to go in disguise as a girl and go to the local elementary school's girl swim team and pretend he was his grandpa so he could be allowed in and watch the underage girls swimming.
In " And the Wiener Is Today must be my birthday! High School on prom night and asks two boys to dance. Brian observes the scene, chaperoning the party and comments "That is one ugly eighth grader. In " Brian the Bachelor ", he watched Chris dancing around in his bathroom shirtless, from a ladder, propped up against the house.
The ladder fell over and Herbert crashed into the streets, where he got run over by a car. In " Petarded ", Herbert was singing the song " Peter is Slow ", while driving in a car, with tons of little girls in the trunk, singing backup.
In " The Perfect Castaway ", he buys an ice cream truck from Brian. This ice cream truck would go on to make many appearances, later in the series, as Herbert's primary method of transportation. In " Mo' Jobs ", Herbert drives his ice cream truck around and abducts kids. Not knowing what the business is really about, Peter applies for a job, working as an ice cream man on his truck. He gets fired on his first day for eating all the ice cream. In " ", he sneaks up behind a boy and a girl playing in the sandbox, with a net, during the song " A Bag of Weed ", and a bag of weed lands in his net.
Distracting him from the abduction, as now he can he happy that he can get high. Two more bags of weed land in the hands of the kids and they're happy to smoke also. In " Road to the Multiverse ", an alternate version of Herbert appears in a dimension, where everything is drawn by Disney. Here, he is portrayed as the witch from Snow White. He offers to put an apple in the pie, Disney Lois is making, to which everyone replies with "NO! In " Go, Stewie, Go! James Woods betrayed Herbert the Pervert by replacing his old man pills with hyper energy pills.
When he did, they slept in different beds and Herbert edged closer to Chris' bed closer and closer, as he explained to him that life was all about trying new things.
Chris farted and drove Herbert away, ruining the sexy moment. Herbert would enjoy being with Chris at first but eventually, Herbert got sick of living with Chris because Chris kept misplacing all his pornographic movies, making a mess all over the living room, and spending all his time playing TV games. Herbert eventually kicked Chris out of the house and Chris told him that he faked all his light-headedness, when he took his roofie Kool-Aid.
Herbert went down to a dinner date with a friend of his a priest and his husband, an altar boy , down in a log cabin and sadly told them that he and Chris broke up. His avatar shows him as a little boy talking to other little boys and asking if they'd like to come over to his house and play. In " The Dating Game ", he was one of the people on Tinder, looking for a year old boy. In " The Quagmire Housefire ", Quagmire rebuilds his house after it was burned down.
However, Quagmire had a lot of sex-related technology installed in the walls of his house, such as a hold-down-o-tron for his bed, trap doors to a sex dungeon, video cameras in the walls, etc. Fortunately, Herbert just so happened to have all the same stuff in his own house and he lent some of it to him. Quagmire commented, "I didn't know he was such a sex maniac too, and at his age, wow, good for him. He noticed how a few of the machines were too small for adults and came to the conclusion that old women were frail enough to be handled with this kind of stuff.
In " Switch the Flip ", Herbert switched bodies with Tom Tucker and used his job as a news reporter to tell little boys to come to his basement. He later switched bodies with Peter Griffin and had sex with Lois, which neither of them enjoyed.
John Herbert the Pervert is a wrinkly, old creepy man with a weird shaped head. His head is bald and only has gray hair on the sides, with a few inconsistent strands coming out from the scalp.
He has three old man circles in his scalp, just above some eyebrow wrinkles above his eyes. His eyebrows are gray and bushy and his nose is droopy. He has weird, crooked, inconsistent teeth, scattered about his big mouth and he has a slightly butt-shaped chin. His neck is very flabby and has a bunch of loose skin rolls on it. He wears a light blue bath robe and a white undershirt. He also wears white pants in the same color as his shirt. He has brown slippers. Currently, John Herbert lives alone in a house on Spooner Street, with his only companion being a dog named Jesse.
He spends his time kidnapping and molesting boys between the ages of 3 and He has never been caught for kidnapping children and at no point, has anyone even raised suspicion about him. His primary target for molestation is Chris Griffin. He is not only sexually attracted to him, but legitamately in love with him and believes his life will be complete if he marries him.
Herbert made his first appearance in the episode "To Love and Die in Dixie", where he made a lot of inappropriate comments about Chris, while he delivered newspapers to his house.
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